Empire Strikes Back

Fun with hallucinogens

I admit the Dagobah scenes took me a loooong time to figure out. At first I dismissed the lot of it. As evidence it's pretty shaky already. "I swear, when I was on that planet that I snuck off to with no verifiable witnesses except my trusty re-programmable robot, I could float shit off the ground and talk to a ghost!" (Luke's story is NOT helped by the fact that the next time he claims to visit "Yoda", he says the little green fucker dies WITHOUT LEAVING A CORPSE). What would be your receaction to such a story from one of your friends? I've had friends who've said they could do such things, in the past, sometimes alone and sometimes with un-verifiable witnesses. Generally, I have referred to these stories as "bullshit lies".

Now, I realize that's a bit harsh, and I do realize that this is a wide, wild world and that there is indeed more in heaven and earth than is encompassed in even my broad-sweeping and very general philosophies.

However...

Luke's pedigree is exactly one half Jedi, one half damn dirty royal. He may well have mentalist Force-proclivaties. He may well have other, far more disconcerting proclivaties. Like bloody-handed despotism.

The first thing we see when we get back to Dagobah is R2 peeping in on Luke and "Yoda". Luke told the little shit to stay at the camp. But, we have Leia's little sneak to thank for recording this weird scene.

Giggling to himself constantly, "Yoda" tells Luke over and over to eat his freaky food. Isn't that one of the fucking 'Rules'? DO NOT EAT THEIR FOOD

Not recognizing the obvious indications that he's dealing with someone into powerful psychoactives, Luke slurps down what "Yoda" refers to as "rootleaf". Oh mama jama, what the hell is "rootleaf"? "Yoda" is really into this shit, whatever it is.

Like a Dead-head before the show, "Yoda" talks to Luke during his 'coming up' period. He tells Luke that Yoda is "not far" and that "Soon you will be with him". Little green dude, you're like, so groovy...

This stuff is quite potent because the kid is hearing a ghost voice less than a minute after his first hit - bite, i meant bite! Wowzer kadowzer. People tell me that ketamine is that good, but I never got the chance to try it:( I did try a lot of other stuff though:) None of it left me so jazzed I was jumping around in the woods for the next three days!

Don't be fooled by the dubbed-in voice. Number one, Luke looks to the same direction "Yoda" does to listen to the ghost voice. Is this little green man throwing his voice and fucking with the kid's drug-addled brain? More than that, we already know that ghost voices are not recorded in the Star Wars universe. Ground control does not pick up Ben's voice that Luke claims to hear in his cockpit on the Death Star run. Much like the musical score and the explosion noises and engine whines in space, any supposed 'ghost voice' would have to be added later by documentarians.

The kid is gonzo, man. He now believes the crazy old man he just met is Yoda, former head of the Jedi Order. I see. So, he goes to what could be Yoda's home planet, meets a guy who looks like Yoda - in the same way that Luke looks just like Han Solo - takes some powerful hallucinogens, and it just so happens that this crazy old man IS Yoda.

Don't buy it. Remember, the first one is free. This farmboy and this old hippy spend the next very long weekend dropping in every so often to see what condition their collective condition is in. Ever seen the comic book renditions of "Yoda"? Mushrooms are never far away

Hard core tripping can be rough. The reason I can't do mushrooms and nitrous any more is because of what can only be deemed a 'bad' trip - if by 'bad' we agree we're talking about being suddenly trapped in an alien's body in some demonic realm for so long you have nightmares every time you close your eyes for months afterward!!! Vishnu's blue balls, you have no idea...

... anyway ... this "Yoda" knows this well. This kind of 'rough tripping' is what he's talking about when he glares at Luke insisting he WILL be afraid. By Medusa's coiling pubes, he will be NOW! you fucking buzz kill