EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

Enter the Mushroom Gnome

The creature presented to us as Yoda makes its presence known just 30 seconds after Luke says aloud that he's searching for "Yoda". No doubt this creature heard this and so his sudden 'realization' a couple minutes later that Luke is searching for Yoda is far from incredible.

I simply do not believe this is Yoda. For all we know, there may not even be a Yoda. If there was a Yoda, he's likely twenty years dead. Kenobi claims that Yoda is the Jedi master who trained him. Oh wait, Kenobi never says this. Kenobi's GHOST purportedly says this. We also got Yoda's secret location from Kenobi's ghost, remember. uh huh.

It's very possible that Luke has crash-landed on the homeworld of dangling modifiers (I thought that a dangling modifier was actually called a 'diphthong' - that's such a hilarious word that I almost kept the joke despite the inaccuracy. I know too many librarians and school marms to get away with that, though. Damn. I mean, 'diphthong homeworld' - fuck me that's funny:). This is very likely the home planet of whatever species Yoda was. Luke likely looked up references to Yoda on the Star Wars version of the internet and noticed he was, by chance, near Yoda's homeworld. Being a simpleton, Luke chucks his X-Wing at Dagobah like a lawn dart and starts babbling about "Yoda" once he unpacks. One of the natives over-hears him... and...

This theory wouldn't hold much water, except Luke says the name YODA OUT LOUD right before an individual he later claims is Yoda shows up. Weird shit, especially considering what happens at this mushroom gnome's house later this same night.

We almost never see anybody eat in these movies. We see a few animal species eat and we see the great and mighty Jabba the Hutt eat, but what the fuck does everybody else eat? We saw the Lars family eat sparingly and drink Downey liquid detergent but nowhere else do we get to see the main characters eat except right here. Take a good look at the metal tackle box full of ... food? I have to assume these are some kind of raw superfoods and that these folks are on some high-end mineralization program so they need to eat very little (yes, I have to assume this:).

The little hippie with Marty Feldman eyes mentions "Yoda" and gets Luke really excited. Being a mushroom gnome into high-powered psychedelics, the crazy old man tells the kid, "take you to him, I will". On a magikal 'trip', he does take the farm boy. Don't get me wrong, I do like this kooky old-timer. He's got a lot of groovy philosophies. But does that make him Yoda, former head of the Jedi Council?

No, in fact it doesn't.